As a child, do you recall complaining to an adult about an unjust incident with another child  –  maybe a sibling or a friend – only for the adult to interrupt you and say ‘stop telling tales’? 

I remember that happening to me and being outraged. Why would an adult, someone I could supposedly trust, do that: shut down my right to be heard? I’d only manage to say ‘Jack said I couldn’t—’ before I was interrupted and told to go and figure it out with Jack myself. 

Let’s consider this from the adult’s perspective. Perhaps they needed a break from parenthood. Perhaps they were catching up with a friend they’d not seen in months. Perhaps my complaint about Jack was my twelfth complaint in as many minutes. 

Or perhaps they purposely allowed Jack and me to deal with this ourselves because it was good for our development.  

But here’s the thing: I didn’t know that as a child. How could I possibly comprehend the need for an adult to take five minutes alone to drink coffee or catch up with a mate? 

These days, my eldest fights with his cousin all the time. They’re like siblings, retreating periodically from the battlefield in search of an adult to report foul misdeeds.  

And when they do, and it’s me they find first, I hear them both out. I’m not perfect, but past experiences remind me that it’s important that I try.  

I listen to both sides. I ask questions and offer different perspectives. And it’s exhausting – so unbearably exhausting. That time I had to get to the bottom of why the stick broke is an experience I’m keen to forget. 

But I’ll do it every day if I have to, because our children need to be heard, and they need to be heard by those they trust most – namely, Mum and Dad.  

Listening is a powerful way to show our children we understand and care about their concerns. Yes, Charlie may have taken three Smarties when he was told to take only two, but that’s a big deal for five-year-old Mikey.  

In a world where we are trying to teach our children right from wrong, we need to listen to them and encourage conversation rather than instantly dismiss their concerns.  

I know it’s hard, and no one is expecting you to be perfect (I’m certainly not), but try not to tell your children to tell no tales. Instead, give them the space where they can talk to you about anything.  

Anytime.  

Anywhere.