Pop quiz: how do you win an argument with a toddler? 

Answer: by refusing to have it. 

It was the weekend. The eldest was staying at his grandmother’s, leaving his younger, peak-toddler brother at home.  

There was none of the usual rushing around to get ready to start work or to leave the house for the school run. Nor did I have the challenge of splitting my attention between both boys. Instead, life was surprisingly calm. 

So, I invited the toddler to lie down on his back on the mat, with his favourite cushion as a pillow so that I could change his nappy.  

And the toddler made it clear just what I should do with (or where I should stick) that invitation by screaming in my face. 

Then the toddler lay down – on his front – before tossing me the kind of look you’d give a chess opponent after putting them in check: your move, Dad.  

But my move was not to move. I did nothing. There was no negotiation, no manipulation, no bribery, no threats, no countdown – nothing. 

I simply waited.  

The toddler got up and played with some of his toys. After a few moments, he took himself back to the mat, lay down on his back this time and gave me another look: I’m ready now.  

It could so easily have turned into a battle, but it didn’t, not because I deployed better parenting tactics but because I had the good fortune of an extra five minutes. I could afford to let things happen on his terms, and thus, the battle was avoided. 

Will that become my default protocol moving forward? I wish I could say yes, but life rarely affords me that luxury.  

I have two boys who are five years apart. The eldest is at school. I have a demanding job. My wife’s life-admin list only travels in one direction, getting bigger and bigger. We have other commitments, other demands on our time and energy.  

Often in my parenting role (and many other roles in life), it’s not about knowing what to do; it’s about having enough time and emotional energy to do it the way you want. 

And when those extra five minutes aren’t on the cards, you do the best you can with what you’ve got, going easy on the self-talk, the admonishments, the berating and the unkindness. 

And then you keep going. 

We often think of patience as a personality trait. But in a world of having too much to do and not enough time, it’s better thought of as a resource.  

And resources are finite.  

They run out.