Anyone who knows me well knows I love sleep. An uninterrupted night’s rest is worth more to me than free fuel for life. And yet, nothing is more elusive than a full eight hours of slumber when you become a parent.

Parenting represents the ultimate sleep challenge, which arrives on your doorstep hand in hand with another ultimate challenge: being responsible for the safety of a small person or – shudder – multiple small people. When that day arrives, the amount and quality of your sleep plummets like a poorly marketed film at the box office.

But there are things you can put in place to reduce the sleep deficit, moving from ‘I’m a wraith; I cannot blink!’ tired to ‘I’m really ffffing exhausted, but at least I remembered to get dressed today’ tired.

I put every trick and tip I know into a free guide: Sleep Guide For Dads (Mums, don’t let the title mislead you; there’s plenty in here for you). However, a lot of the advice focuses on parents rather than infants.

Enter Sam

Sam is a friend of my partner who’s a qualified sleep consultant. She has a son, Archie. Like many of us, Sam made a ton of rookie mistakes when she became a parent. Those errors led her to learn a thing or two about stacking the sleep odds in a parent’s favour.

I asked her if she would answer a few questions about her profession, the pitfalls families make when trying to settle their young ones and what her working-with-families process looks like.

In Conversation with a Sleep Consultant

TK: Before we get into the weeds, how much sleep deprivation did you suffer with Archie?

Given that I’m now a sleep consultant who treats severely sleep-deprived parents, my experience could have been worse. But I still suffered.

As new parents, we had no knowledge of babies or of how to respond to sleep challenges – we were winging it. We slid down more than a few Google rabbit holes and got into a right mess. Most antenatal classes don’t cover optimal feeding times, wake windows and sleep associations – the list goes on!

TK: Is this what led to you become a sleep consultant?

Partly. I also became fascinated with the subject – particularly the science.

TK: How do you become a sleep consultant?

I completed my training with Sleep Nanny Academy, specialising in 0–7-year-olds. I’m also a member of the Child Sleep Society, which is great for CPD (continuing professional development).

[TK: The founder of Sleep Nanny Academy, Lucy Shrimpton, has also written a book, The Sleep Nanny System.]

As an industry, sleep consultancy is not regulated! So technically, you could take a very basic course and advertise yourself as a sleep consultant. This is why it’s so important that parents looking for sleep consultancy support do their research and find a professional who’s completed in-depth training.

TK: What should parents look for?

Look at what accreditation the sleep consultant has taken. Accreditation means that the organisation providing the training has been approved by the awarding/examining body.

Also, look for professionals that stay afloat of industry changes, and read the latest research. CPD is vital! Sleep advice changes from time to time as the latest research is published, and we sleep consultants need to respond to that.

I would also suggest seeking a consultant with specialised knowledge and experience related to your particular sleep challenges. For example, you might seek out someone like me if you have a child with ASD (autism spectrum disorder) because I have over ten years of experience working with children with ASD.

Lastly, you want to build a connection with your consultant and understand their approach and methods. You can only do this by forming a relationship of trust with them. My approach is always holistic, so I do a lot of work with the family to get to know them and their circumstances before giving advice and recommendations.

TK: Do you help parents themselves with sleep?

There is a lot of crossover. Some of the key things I encourage for babies and sleep apply to adults, such as minimal screen time (especially before bed), removing harsh artificial light in sleep environments and sticking to a routine. All of these are important regardless of age.

TK: Screentime. Talk to me.

Most of us are guilty of watching our screens before bed, whether on TV or scrolling through phones. You might classify the behaviour as downtime, but it can impact your sleep.

Your body has an internal biological 24-hour clock that regulates your circadian rhythm,  determining when your body should be awake or asleep. But it relies on signals from the external environment, such as daylight and darkness, to perform those essential sleep-related tasks.

During the day, you’re naturally exposed to blue light. This is necessary because your brain receives those blue light signals as messages, telling it that it’s daytime and you should still be awake.

But you’re also exposed to blue light when watching TV or looking at screens. Suppose you’re doomscrolling after the sun has gone down. In that case, your body assumes it’s still daytime and won’t initiate important sleep protocols, such as the manufacturing of melatonin (or it delays production), which reduces both the quantity and quality of your sleep.

TK: Melatonin – the sleep hormone. Why is it important?

Melatonin is a natural hormone manufactured in the pineal gland and then released in the bloodstream. Darkness serves as a time cue for its production, regulating your circadian rhythm and harmonising your body’s sleep–wake cycle. When working correctly, this process not only helps sleep transition but also promotes sleep quality.

If you lack melatonin, or the process is inhibited in any way, it can result in anxiety, mood disorder, insomnia and other sleep disorders.

TK: I’m a sleep nerd – a big turn-off for my partner. I have a sleep mask, and I wear night-time blue light-blocking glasses before bed. How much of your sleep conversations with parents are about light sources?

I always assess light in any sleeping environment. I’m looking for anything stimulating, like LED lights or street light coming in from around the curtains, etc. They can all disturb sleep. 

Amber or red lighting is perfect for a sleep environment as it supports melatonin production. 

TK: A lack of sleep was my biggest fear going into parenthood. Luckily, my son was highly reserved regarding night-time antics, probably because he’s like me and enjoys sleep. But my friends, on the other hand – different story! Some had a torrid time with their newborns and suffered severe sleep deprivation. At what point should they pick up the phone to someone like you and ask for help?

Most of the time, families approach me when they are at breaking point: where it’s affecting their relationship, career, social life and emotional well-being. That’s too late. Or rather, I would encourage people to seek support before then and avoid suffering needlessly.

Of course, that breaking point varies. And it depends on a family’s circumstances. Are we dealing with single parents, two full-time working parents, parents that work nightshifts or parents with more than one child? The list of factors is endless.

And if parents are looking for support, I strongly recommend hiring a professional and not doing what I did and going on Google!

TK: How often do you work with a family where you can’t help them? If so, what do you recommend? Could there be something wrong medically?

My intake of clients is quite rigorous. I hold a sleep transformation call first to establish their challenges. It’s also an opportunity to get to know one another. I know very quickly – before they’ve paid me a penny – if I can help them or not. And I tell them as much. 

If I suspect or am told there may be something contributing to a baby’s sleep challenges, such as reflux or sleep apnoea, then I advise they seek medical advice before commencing any sort of sleep-support programme.

TK: Let’s say you can help. What does the process look like?

I build a comprehensive sleep plan for that family. It’s very much a collaboration. Families complete an assessment form, and I’ll collect information over the phone during video consultations. I’m not just looking at bedtime routines and sleeping environments, though both are critical. I’m exploring Mum’s pregnancy and overall well-being, complications at birth and the common milestones of the child: walking, crawling, etc. Everything feeds into building the right sleep solution for that family, and I offer various levels of support.

TK: How do milestones and, say, complications at birth affect a sleep plan?

Let’s look at a specific example. A complication at birth could be a baby born prematurely. This might impact their parent attachment levels or feeding needs, which might have been different had they reached full-term. This would all need factoring in when building a sleep plan for a family.

By asking about milestones, I can identify possible delays in development and determine when typical leaps in development might occur. Development leaps (also known as regressions) can have a big impact on sleep, so it’s an important area to look at.

TK: How?

A sleep regression is a sudden shift in the sleep patterns of a baby or toddler previously sleeping well. It usually lasts between two and six weeks. Typical regressions arrive at four, six, eight, twelve and eighteen months, and two years and are generally associated with developmental milestones, such as learning to sit up, crawl and walk.

Other causes include separation anxiety, significant life changes and a desire for independence. Shifts can present as nap refusals, waking up at night more, bedtime resistance or even changes in their feeding patterns.

TK: Wow! So this stuff isn’t a case of 2 + 2 = 4, is it?

Nope! You need to get your detective hat on and ask a lot of questions; that’s really how you get to the route of any sleep issues. But what’s great is that when you’ve figured out the complete picture, you can think about a response strategy, one that leads to everyone sleeping longer and better.

TK: What are some common mistakes parents make with sleep routines?

Not being consistent with routines or completing a routine too early or too late. Too early, and some children, especially older children, come back downstairs, accessing screen time right before bed. Too late, and you risk straying into overtiredness, where the body triggers the production of cortisol (the stress hormone), which acts like adrenaline, keeping them going until exhaustion.

The ideal bedtime routine is 30–45 minutes. This includes bath time, though that’s one activity you can drop because not every child needs a bath every night (though mine does). Regardless, avoid screen time at least thirty minutes before bed.

Another common mistake with babies is feeding them right before bed, as this leads to a pattern where your baby needs to feed to go to sleep. If your baby is falling asleep immediately after feeding, when they wake up, they assume they need more milk to get back off to sleep. And that’s when Mum and Dad get a wake-up call.

TK: What good habits do you look to instil in families?

Routine! Routine! Routine!

TK: If there was one piece of advice you had for parents to follow immediately that would improve the chances of their young one sleeping more, what would that be?

You know the answer to that one – routine!

TK: Thanks, Sam.

Any time.

Sam is a sleep consultant (Sleep Nanny certified) and founder of Sleep Solutions with Sam. She is also a member of the Child Sleep Society. She lives in Northampton with her son, Archie (who now sleeps brilliantly). Say hi to Sam over on Instagram and Facebook, or drop her an email at sam@sleepsolutionswithsam.co.uk