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I spent last weekend at The Baby Show at the NEC in Birmingham , telling parents and soon-to-be parents my story: how I’m the guy who began writing a book about pregnancy without even realising it. 

I even managed to sell a few copies!

My visit included my first public-speaking appearance, onstage with the founders of MANtenatal (Gordon Dowell-Potter) and DADS v DADS (Chris Freeman).

I want to share what this experience taught me – both in respect of managing a stall at the event selling books and speaking on stage.

I’m rubbish at sales.

Seriously, I’m rubbish! And I don’t like it.

But I’m great at sharing my story.

Which is a million times better than trying to sell a book. When you share your story, people find the courage to share one back. This leads me on to …

Marketing isn’t selling.

Marketing is storytelling. Sales are a by-product of the story you tell. Do something you are deeply committed to, something you believe in, something that is about so much more than you or money or success. If you can do that, then everything else will take care of itself automatically, on the sidelines – in your peripheral vision.

Fertility issues are more common than I could have imagined.

I spent three days talking to dozens of people about their pregnancies. More couples reported fertility complications than couples who didn’t, and that only accounts for those who found success after years of trying and spending money – I met one couple who had been trying for twelve years. It doesn’t include the countless others out there who are having a fundamental aspect of the human experience denied to them and who haven’t had the need to visit The Baby Show (yet).

Talking is a way to overcome struggle.

Sticking with fertility, we all need to collectively say goodbye to the social convention of being reticent about asking questions such as ‘Do you want children?’ or ‘When are you having children?’ because we don’t know what’s going on beneath the surface. Yes, be sensitive, and if someone is willing to share, then be ready to listen, but don’t hold back from asking uncomfortable questions because they’re awkward or because you don’t want to impose. If they don’t want to talk, they’ll make their excuses. But I bet they’ll be willing to open up if invited. 

Will some people disagree with me on this? Of course. But I’m the guy who has inadvertently stumbled into a writing career by being open about my own fertility complications and parenthood. And you know what? It’s helped. 

So, let’s see if we can’t move a few more of our species into that same space, a space that encourages openness, because talking helps so long as there is someone out there who is willing to listen.

I am more committed to helping parents than ever before.

Mainly dads, but I don’t care who you are. If my books or talking to me can help in some small way, then great! I’m here.

Public speaking is easier when you have something to say that people need to hear – because it will help them.

I was on stage for a little over thirty minutes (I think), chatting about my partner’s labour experience (and mine) and the early newborn days. I could have stayed up there all day, knowing it would help others. Again, this is about so much more than me and raising my profile. It’s about joining the dots and connecting people who need help with people who can help and are willing to do so.

Dads need more. 

Gordon (founder of MANtenatal) invited me to The Baby Show to share some of his stall space. As far as I could tell, we were the only people there with a message for dads. 

From their website: ‘The Baby Show holds the UK’s largest and best pregnancy, baby, and parenting events.’ So how the fuck were we the only two blokes there with a stand for dads? 

That needs to change. Gordon and I need more competition from companies and individuals offering services and solutions that focus on helping dads. 

I’ve lost sight of the mission statement. 

Since the 16 March 2019, I have written every day to my son, Arlo, about being his dad. I published my first book, Dear Dory: Journal of a Soon-to-be First-time Dad, because I believed it would give parents a real and thorough understanding of what it was really like to prepare for fatherhood, something that isn’t out there in the market (please correct me if I’m wrong), and I thought it could help soon-to-be dads get ready for what I describe as arguably the biggest identify shift they will ever face. 

But after Dear Dory came out, I had no time to promote it and shout about it because I was right back to work with my next book, Dear Arlo: Adventures In Dadding, and now I’m preparing my third book, Toddler Inc., for launch. Don’t misunderstand me; I write these books for me – they are my free-of-charge therapy sessions to help me navigate parenthood. But publishing these stories is not just for me. They’re for other people as well, and I’ve not been doing a good enough job at letting people know they exist. Perhaps I told myself that doing that was me wearing my ‘sales hat’, which I’ve already confessed is a hat I don’t like wearing. But I now see that this has nothing to do with sales; it’s about telling people that I have something incredibly unique and that it might help them because it helped me. 

I’m going to ensure I’m doing a better job going forward. Because the work is critical: help dads, and help mums to help dads, by understanding what soon-to-be dads and new dads are going through.

I’m going to do better.

I’m still figuring out what that looks like, but I’ll get there. 

In the meantime….

My name is Tom Kreffer, and I write books about parenthood in the style of a journal. And you know what? They’re bloody good books, and any parent or soon-to-be parent should check them out because they can help. Here are the links: Dear Dory, Dear Arlo. Toddler Inc. is due out this summer.

And let me tell you about my pal Gordon: he’s the founder of a fantastic company called MANtenatal that offers two-part digital courses that focuses on preparing expectant dads for fatherhood. I’ve sat through the course, and it’s terrific – check it out. And if you tell Gordon I sent you, he’ll give you 10 per cent off!

And finally, let me tell you about Chris and a thing he created called DADS V DADS. From his website: ‘ DADS v DADS was set up to create sustainable local football groups, to help keep us all keep playing football, a sport we love to play.’

Until next time,

Tom xx