Imagine two children, each with different parents.  

The parents of the first child are quick to point out the child’s faults and areas for improvement. ‘You’re doing this the wrong way.’ ‘Don’t do it like that.’ ‘Why don’t you listen?’ 

The parents of the second child take a different approach. They focus on everything the child does right. They praise effort over results. They help their child find small victories when things don’t go the way they wanted. 

Now, imagine those children as adults. Imagine the tone of their inner voices as they go about their day.  

One is quick to berate themselves and is in a constant negative feedback loop that reinforces the foundations laid by the parents. ‘Why am I so bad at this?’ ‘Why can’t I do that?’ ‘Why do I screw everything up?’ 

The other child is different. They have high self-esteem that reinforces a positive feedback loop. ‘I can do this,’ they say. ‘I’m scared, but I’m not going to let that stop me.’ ‘Today has been difficult, but at least I’m healthy, and tomorrow is a new day.’ 

Both children’s lives could be identical in every way except for how they experience events emotionally, and yet one wins even when they lose, whereas the other loses even when they win. 

Parents are bricklayers. All of us. We are responsible for laying the foundations of our children’s emotional well-being.  

And every day we choose which bricks to lay. So, in the words of the Grail Knight from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, ‘Choose wisely …’