I’m a project manager by trade. As soon as someone brings me a problem, whether personal or professional, I leap into solution mode – how can I solve this problem for that person? What advice can I give them?
But not everyone is looking for a solution. That includes our children.
When our eldest confides in his mother about a problem he’s facing at school, she adopts the Helped, Heard or Hugged principle (picture the wrestler Triple H for a visual mnemonic).
- Help: ‘Do you want Mummy to help you come up with a plan to fix it?’
- Heard: ‘Do you just want Mummy to listen to you while you tell me about it?’
- Hug: ‘Will a Mummy-cuddle help?’ Often, the cuddle includes the participation of one of his soft-toy companions.
This is a lesson I’m still working to implement constantly, not only as a parent, but also as a husband, friend and colleague.
The next time a solution to one of your children’s problems is desperate to free-dive from your lips, stop and ask yourself (or them) if they’re even in the market for a solution. Perhaps they want a listener instead. Or maybe a hug.
